and so life changes..

the past few months have brought very hard decisions for me.
i have been horrified of the changes that i knew i had to make.

i am a planner.
not only do i own and faithfully look at a planner,
but my life is always planned out.
from one activity to the next, and even from one month to the next.
for the past two years of my life and even more in the past months...
i thought i had figured out a fool proof plan.

the only thing that i couldn't determine was me actually getting into byu.
welp, that happened so obviously i "knew" that my plan was perfect.
wrongo.
stupid me.

it is a peculiar thing when the answers to your prayers completely change the course of your life.
never have i had such powerful feelings of the spirit as i have in these past few months.
through the guidance of the spirit i have said goodbye to certain parts of what i thought was perfect.
let me tell you, i fought those goodbyes like nobody's business.
and then one day i let go of my pride and realized what was happening.

my father in heaven was trying to reveal to me a tiny part of his plan for my life and i was rejecting it.
i took a blind step of faith.
it was one of the hardest things i have ever done.
IT WAS THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE.
and i was stubborn about it.

growing up and even until now it has always been easy to listen to promptings and go with them.
now i can say that i have a better understanding of having to accept a "no" when you really want a "yes"
let me be plain here, it stunk.

but, here comes the part as to why i am writing this.
along with said step of faith came another huge "alteration" to my plan.
an answer that i was not expecting.
an answer that i ran from for a month.
an answer that came from my father in heaven.

through many times on my knees praying for guidance i was prompted that i should serve a mission.
never in my life was serving a mission a part to my plan.
in fact, i told everyone i knew that i never would serve a mission.
but, never in my life have i had such a strong prompting.

now i am submitting my papers to serve a full-time mission.
and i could not be more excited to serve!
excited because i have come to know something very powerful.
i always knew that my heavenly father had a plan for me.
i have always known that he loves me unconditionally and wants the best for me.
but, what i didn't understand until now is that he loves me enough to guide me towards that plan.
even when i thought i had it all figured out by myself and didn't think "my plan" should change.
i don't think it is possible for me to be filled with more gratitude and humility than i have right now.

although it is still really hard and extremely scary to move forward and add in this new part of the "plan" i know that everything is and will continue to work out just how heavenly father wants it....even if i don't quite understand right now and know that i might not for a very long time. i am so lucky to have the people in my life that i do and the examples and support that they provide to me.

...and so...life changes.